you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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