Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
