Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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