If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize