you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
