Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
