a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Its about making memories worth repressing
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
