the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
