We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
