Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I'm at about main and main street
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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