Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
