I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize