Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
