My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
