Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
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