My cat gives me a boner
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
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