One girl and one boy is just not enough.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
