I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
