I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
