Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
