You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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