He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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