If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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