Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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