I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
