My cat gives me a boner
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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