successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
The power of my boobs compel you
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
