I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Randomize
