I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
