Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
