if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
