Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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