i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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