I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
