actually, I'm a sock model
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Boobs speak an international language.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
