Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
