What a fucking waste of an outfit
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Randomize
