i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
