my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
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He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize