normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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