I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
