my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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