apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
