Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
