dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
i came on her dog
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
