Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
