Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
