Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
