i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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