the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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