I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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