youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Randomize
