she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
is wine microwaveable?
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
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