Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
