Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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