There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
