wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
